At Least I Am Not Drinking

All I want to do is sleep and read. I haven’t cleaned the house in two months, maybe more. I want to curl up and see no one, do nothing. If I am up, I just want to be reading. This is hard. I wish I was better prepared for this. I can’t tell anyone except my mom. My friends are too young or already married with kids. There is no one I know of that is going through this. I am afraid it’s only going to get worse. It just seems like it already is. Days are hard. Everything makes me think of it. Talking to people, looking at people. I distract myself with books. I think of new things to read about. But nothing can take the place of something that’s not happening. Last night I sat in the car in the driveway and cried on the phone to my dad and mom. I admitted to my ex how hard it is to be a woman and that he should be glad he’s not. Every day that goes by feels wasted. Every cycle that comes is a vicious reminder. I can’t believe how badly I want kids. I never would have thought this would be me.

BDRM RDR

Today I spent most of the day in bed working on homework and reading and napping. There are so many books I want to read that I can’t believe I waste even a single minute doing anything else. And I am still caught in the world of Evenwood and Edward Glapthorn.

Greedy Reader

I just keep finding more and more books to read. Everytime I’m at work I see about 3 I need to read or I come across them in catalogs or online. Now I am reading several books at once. All good. There is so much I have to do. I’m sure I will get it done as it should be.

This is my end of fall through winter reading wishlist: something(s) by Charlotte Bronte, Wilkie Collins, Jack London, more Sherlock Holmes, more dark novels, Victorian things, etc.

I still think of Edward Glapthorn! I even got The Meaning of Night on CD. I like to mentally put books aside that I will someday read again when I am older and that is one, but I do want to hear it again already, to study it, to really know, like if I missed something.

 

The Glass of Time

And so I have started the sequel to The Meaning of Night and find The Glass of Time to be just as good as the first but for different reasons. This one is narrated by a girl. I have a lot of predictions but I won’t say anything just yet. I am sad because I know I am going to love it and will want to read a third but there is none.

During the day at work, when I am not reading or occupied, I think about Miss Gorst (the main character) and her relation to Edward Glapthorn and the first book. It keeps me distracted and content. And I pretend I am there, living in the book, seeing the countryside and wondering about the characters.  In the book, Miss Gorst must live in a strange house and be maid to dark, mysterious Emily of the first book. All Miss Gorst knows is that she must fulfill this task as her future greatly depends on it. So I pretend that I have been requested to perform this task of my dull job and lonely hours because perhaps my future greatly depends on it.

I checked out, bought, and put on hold some other promising books including one by Wilkie Collins whom Michael Cox liked and is even mentioned in this book. I could read forever. I probably will.

Dearest Edward

I finished The Meaning of Night. I didn’t want it to end. I am still thinking of it. I am sorry for Edward Glapthorn. That is his name I like best and the one he’d picked for himself. I want to read the sequel but I fear it will not be as good. And I saw somewhere that it doesn’t have as much Edward in it. I want more books about him! I want a whole series!

I also want to read more dark novels and Victorian novels but none will probably be the same.

Now I am reading The Alchemist which is good so far. I have been wanting to read this one for some time too. I have heard good things about it and it seems wise and important. I like it so far. 

I still have to keep up with Sherlock and there is a stack of books someone lent to me. But I will get them all in. I just feel like reading right now. I can’t wait to get to the library tomorrow.

If You Take My Meaning

Ah the book I’m reading is so good I don’t want it to end! I got it last Monday and tomorrow is Monday. I wonder if I can finish it in a week. I read over 200 pages of it today, in bed, all day, only stopping to find something to eat, play on the computer, and stop briefly at my parents’.

But what makes a book so good? And how does it know when to come into your life? I have been eying this book for a while. First, I saw it in paperback at B&N. Then at the library. I am reading the library’s hard back copy. The pages are smooth and thin, but the book is heavy. I knew at once that I must read it. And for some reason, last Monday, I took it out thinking, now is the time to read this book. And glad I am. Much of the action takes place in October and November so it is perfect. And it works for RIP IV. I wonder what I shall read next?

On another note, I try not to think about Current Crush. I try to put things in perspective, thinking about how silly I’ve been before about others and how I will probably be silly again about someone else. But why does it seem so much more important, so much more real when you are in it right now? Why do I esteem him so much? Why do I soften so easily, have such a fondness for him now? Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I think I could never think about him again and not even care. Other times I am so desperate to know he’s just alive. And still other times I feel content that things will work out.

But back to the book. There is nothing like reading a really good book in bed. And there is nothing like a good main character to take your mind off life. But I must get back to it. I must know how it ends.

The Meaning of Night

I’m reading an excellent book called The Meaning of Night by Michael Cox. It is about a man who enacts a great revenge scheme though I have not got to that part yet. It is very good. Lots of things happen and lots of twists but also related things. I really like it. It’s dark and engaging and perfect for fall.

I have a prediction about it. In the beginning, he kills a man as practice for killing the man he wants to take revenge on. I like the main character even though he’s a killer. And I feel bad for the man he killed. But my prediction is that his random killing of the first man will have significance later on. Like it will ruin his plan or just add to his plan. Maybe the man he killed was just as bad as his enemy. Or it could ruin his entire plan by some strange connection. Ah, that is another thing. Connection is spelled connexion in the book. We should go back to that.

The author is dead. I will read his next book though.

10 Things

1. I like you.

2. I miss you.

3. I want to be with you.

4. I always want to talk to you.

5. I can’t stop thinking about you.

6. I don’t want you to miss out again.

7. I hope that the right thing happens.

8. I wish I could tell you how I really feel.

9. I hope you experience coincidence like I do.

10. I think you are the closest thing I’ve found to wanting.

I Suck At Everything.

Missed registration. Forgot to renew vehicle. I hate everything.

Try This

I am going to try something new.  That’s all I know to do.  I’m reading a lot and other things.  But I’m really counting on this something new because if it doesn’t work, I don’t have any more ideas.