State of the Reading, or 10 Books I’m Reading Now

Let’s talk about all the fabulous books I’m reading right now, including the primary ones–the ones that need to be read straight through because they’ve captured me or for some other reason, and the secondary ones–the ones that lend themselves to taking a little longer to read and relish and allowing for sneaking in other reads.

1. Woman on the Edge of Time–just picked this one up at the library. Think it may be a good one.

2. The Illuminator–still plodding through. Not great. But have to see how it ends because Lorraine and I were supposed to be reading it together and she finished it a while ago. I do that..

3. Complete Sherlock Holmes–have only read Study in Scarlet so far but like it. Looking forward to more.

4. How We Do It–another science-based sex book. Still fascinating.

5. Women Who Think Too Much–perfect-for-me-self-help-book.

6. Street Gang–the history of Sesame Street. Enjoyable so far.

7. Once and Future King–this is going to be a long-term read. Liking it.

8. The Time Machine–this one I carry around in my purse. Just in case.

9. The Anubis Gates–this one is in the bathroom.

10. Zen and the Art of Needlework–another plodder. For when I feel like it.

I like reading more than one at a time although I should limit myself. But I like to be able to jump from book to book depending on my mood, motivation, and concentration level. And I feel like I am getting more read, but maybe not.

Having said all this, I am going to go read on the back porch.

A Man

“Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him. If that woman were me, I would love him alone…and forever.”

Premonition

Last night at work I had a premonition. It felt like I’d felt it before, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t. It was like a realization. It makes such sense I can’t believe I didn’t think it before. Anyway, it’s there now, like a bad sting. But this may be it: the trick I need to be completely over it and done with it. Perhaps by the time it becomes true and I am proven correct, I won’t even care. I must tell Helen…

It’s coming

I saw a bunny at work this morning in the parking lot. I think it was a sign that all is right and where it should be. These things keep happening. I feel like very soon something big and pivotal will happen.

Do the Math

So there’s this mathematical theory that you have to sleep with/date/get to know romantically 12 people before you find the one. I may have talked about this before but I read about it again in a book I’m reading and I think there’s something to it. So here’s my list so far:

1. “Juan”– The jerky guy I met in college and haven’t talked to since.

2. “Todd”– The no-college race car driver.

3. “Hillbilly Jim”–The no-college, divorced father I met at work.

4. “Mr 5″–The no-college, divorced father I met at work years ago, had a 5 year relationship with, and still email on friendly terms.

5. “Don Juan”–The first potential after Mr 5 that went no where and really made me get my hopes up.

6. “Worst Thing I Ever Did”–The married co-worker I fooled around with.

7. “Tool”–The good kissing, well-endowed online date I just didn’t like.

8. “The Mailman”–The dork I saw for a summer.

9. “The Soup Guy”–The no-college needy guy I dumped after a handful of dates and two surprise visits.

10. “Bad Idea”–The other co-worker I fooled around with thinking that that would actually work.

11. “Digit # 2, or, Weekend Escapade”–The almost-college, really cool, former fellow high schooler I hooked up with…twice…so far.

12.”Current Crush”–The one out of all of these that I have only every really been attracted to. In all ways.

13. “Special Guest”–The second hot cop I probably could have hooked up with. 

Oh. Big surprise. Look who’s number 12.

I suppose this is a pretty good list, spanning over 10 years, considering I have married friends who have only ever been with their husband. Sure I didn’t sleep with ALL of them but still. It means I am not so far off.

I made a change swapping out the first hot cop for someone I forgot. There’s at least one other person I made out with that is not worth mentioning as absolutely nothing developed out of that. I’m still probably forgetting someone. Oh well.

R a b b i t s

Usually when my life is a mess I dream about rabbits. Having to chase them and try to put them in a cage. It is very chaotic. The other night, though, I dreamed I had four rabbits that followed me around and let me pet them and went right in their cages when I told them to. Does this mean my life is not a mess anymore? Then why am I not happy? My happiness lasts for seconds and then I am down again.

I try to get out of it. I went for a walk. I read a chapter. I am almost ready for work.

Perhaps I will get a rabbit.

Maybe I should move. But I wouldn’t know where to go. I would hate to be far away from my parents. I would hate to try someplace new and have the same old feelings.

All I know is I need something to happen.

For Sher

I am way excited because tonight I bought the complete Sherlock Holmes in two volumes for cheap at Barnes and Noble. I suddenly want to read Sherlock Holmes. I already read the first two chapters of A Study in Scarlet.

I have to remember that I want to read that book by Michael Cox. I forget what it’s called at the moment.

I just want to read right now. It’s all I have.

O No You Didn’t

So I am drinking pink lemonade and eating mixed nuts in the middle of the night because I can’t fall asleep.  But I am looking at four days off with a fun trip to visit my friend.

I just had three stunning o’s.

I am thinking about my fabulous new friend, Mrs. Oh-no.  I met her at the bar last weekend.  (The night I drank way too much and threw up for the first time in years, and the first time from drinking, but I maintain the food we ate was not good.)

Mrs. Oh-no is my new protege.  She has never had an orgasm.  She has been married for a handful of years and has two kids.  This is a tragedy.  That she has never had an orgasm.  Though some would say that she was married with two kids is tragedy enough.

So I’ve decided it’s my duty at this time to see to it as best I can that she have an orgasm.  I can’t do it myself, but I can tell her everything I know.

I also am going to watch my cycle very carefully.  I have a sneaking suspicion that my natural cycle is combatting my birth control-controlled cycle.

This is all I feel like saying.  I am sure I could post forever about a bunch of things, but once I start getting them down like this, I stop thinking.

Kiss Up

So the other day my mom mentioned the mailman’s name and I was like “Who?” and then “Oh.”  Can you believe that?  This is what happens when you disappear out of my life.  I forget your name.

Which is fine.  Because things are so much better.

I guess I shouldn’t do this but I’m comparing now.  Comparing Current Crush to all the others from before.  And he’s so much better.  I mean, in some ways.  Definitely the best looking ever, no doubt about that.  And really probably the best personality.  For sure the best as far as having it together and having a job.   And I REALLY like kissing him.  Really good kissing is hard to come by.  You need good kissing.

But anyway why do I think like this?  I am already way too attached.

Because of that first kiss that did me in.  That’s why.

Please Be Still Alive

Why do I feel like it’s been DAYS since I talked to him? Really, it’s only been like two days. Why do I feel like I miss him?

I holed myself in my house all week, leaving only for work and to run to the store. It doesn’t feel good. I’ve been sleeping too much and too long.

I’ve worked on things, read things, but mostly I’ve just been existing. Not very well, not very happily.

So Miss Handbook (co-worker and newest friend) called earlier, going to movies with Her Dumb Problem With The Big Mouth. And Special Guest (who I made out with and could have probably slept with had timing been right) was there! But I’m taking it as the good and right thing that I have my period, didn’t go, and she’s there without me. Maybe she’ll get lucky.

But truthfully, I don’t care that much about Special Guest or anyone. I still have my stupid heart set on HIM.